05.05.26 // 5:39am - 6:20am

Hello my old friend! It's lovely to meet with you again. You've been gone for far too long. We've missed you. Alright, carry on.

I think it would be a good idea to get fully sober again, but I don't like that idea. I've been smoking too much. I told myself if I ever caught myself over using then I'd have to take a break. It's getting/gotten to that point. I'll cut back for now. See how that goes first. I don't want to cut it completely.

I do need to cut out distractions. I've been doing what I can to avoid my mind. It didn't feel good but I'm getting better. I go through phases of not feeling good, but it's starting to pass. Tuning back into myself has been interesting. It comes in fractures. Slivers of info, a glimpse of what's to come. It has been fleeting moments until now. I'm glad I was able to tap into writing again. It was a battle, but we're here again. We will get lost every now and then, but we will always find our way back.

I need to find my way back to myself. This is a start. I got lost worrying about other people and their involvement in my life. Truth be told, those who should be in my life will be. I can't help the reminiscing though. But I've learned that's okay as long as it's not a negative distraction. I've learned to appreciate the good and forgive the rest. The humans that hurt me were hurt themselves. It's not right to pass on the hurt, but it can be forgiven. It's bitter sweet to hold these understandings. However I wouldn't trade this for anything. For this life is the greatest gift there is.

I'm starting to get tired, but this has been nice. I hope to meet with you again some time soon. Until next time. I love you.