06.26.21

Last night I had some graphic nightmares. In the first one, I was in a big house with some of my biological family. There was even aunts from redacted there. We were there for vacation or something, but then it got bad. There were other people in there. They started killing us. We didn't know why people were dying at first, but then I caught on that we weren't the only ones there. redacted was the first to die. I found his lifeless body on the floor, laying in a pool of blood. He had at least five bullet holes in his chest.

The other dream was about me starting rehab. It took place in some sort of alternate reality. It was still on earth, but the energy was different. Anyway, part of the dream was people telling/ judging me about my addiction. They were questioning why I was going to rehab because my addiction "wasn't that bad". I'm pretty sure this came from people in the past telling me the same thing. Those conversations were years ago, but they still make me feel guilty for seeking treatment and make me down play the severity of my addiction. I think this is something I should bring up in rehab. Another part of that dream was me wrapping my body in foil and leaving it on the side of the street for someone to pick up and burn it. Even in my dream it felt strange. It was my body, but it was like a second body? My old body maybe? I don't know.

I'm scared of having more nightmares. I don't like nightmares. This is definitely something I want to talk about in treatment. I should make a list.