10.25.25 // 9:03pm-9:58pm

Today has been long. I woke up around 6:30/45am to make signs with redacted. She organized a counter protest against the "pro life" folk outside of redacted. A good amount of people showed up. It was seven people total for us which I think is nice for the first time. I posted a video on my redacted and last I checked it was around 7-8k views. I haven't posted a video in a while. It feels good to get back to making content. Tomorrow the house will be mostly empty until around 6pm. I'm going to film all the videos I've been meaning to.

I'm still processing slowly. I'm learning what limerence is. I think I'm experiencing that in some aspects. My heart refuses to believe the love he showed me wasn't real. I know it was at some points. I'm not sure where the shift happened or what lead to it. I miss the good relationship we had. But truth be told, neither of us met the other as we really are. It's odd because the following is also true. He and I understand each other in ways no one will ever know. We will meet again one day. When both of us are ready energetically. I keep telling myself I'm not ready to process everything. I am ready, I'm just weary to bring upon this type of pain on my heart while my mind is susceptible. I loved that man so much.

I'm mentally drained. My mind needs to rest a bit. I'm going to do some research for my business while laying in bed. I'll write more when I have the energy to put into this. I love you.