11.20.25 // 11:13pm-12:10am

Addiction is an interesting mind game. It's one I haven't cracked yet. I'm struggling with cravings again. I want powder again. It helped me get shit done, but it's not good for me in the long run. Right now I'm addicted to distraction. I think that may be why I haven't written in a while.

I'm not living the full reality I'm meant to yet, something is off. I'm making some choices that aren't aligned with my highest good. I'm chasing outside comfort. I haven't learned how to comfort myself yet. That's part of the issue. I've been ignoring my spark and staying hidden. It's time to come out of the shadows now. I know I need to share my story, but there's part of me that's still hesitant. I'm not quite sure what it is yet. I need to share my gifts with the world that needs to see it.

There will be times I don't want to be seen. There will be times, like these, where I'll want to avoid any responsibility and just live my life to experience what the world has to offer. It's okay to do both as long as there's a balance.

I want to experience life with other people. I'm tired of being alone. But I know that I must for now. There are still lessons to be learned from being alone. I'm addicted to men who I have no real future with. I have to be honest with myself.

I haven't been creating much because I'm stuck in this cycle of constant distraction. I need to break out of it. I'll start writing again. Maybe that'll help me escape my head. There's so much going on and no one to really share it with.

Anyway, I'm starting to get tired and I have to wake up early. I'm going to lay in bed and play games on my phone until I pass out. Until next time.